I must have thought wrong about everything

I never thought, you would walk out on me.
I never thought, you would once start to become my enemy.
I never thought, you'd tell me to, "stick that in my pipe and smoke it."
I never thought, you'd drink or do drugs again.
I never thought, I would be disappointed in you.
I never thought, you would lie to me.

I wish, you actually cared.
I wish, I could say that you didn't hate me.
I wish, I could tell myself that your actually a great individual.
I wish, I could see you and not actually have hate towards you.
I wish, you would actually say sorry.
I wish, you would try to reach out and talk to your daughter.

I once, looked up to you.
I once, thought you'd be there forever and never walk away.
I once, thought I forgave you.
I once, thought you'd stay by my side when I was ill.
I once, thought you'd say sorry every time you messed up.
I once, thought you'd be the person I could tell everything to.
I once, thought you were the greatest man in the world.
I once, thought I could go to you with my problems.
I once, thought I could trust you.
But, I also once thought you wouldn't turn your back on me.
I also thought you'd stay sober after you were off probation.

I said, I didn't want anything to deal with you but that didn't mean I wanted you to stop trying.
I said, things that I meant, and you said things I never thought you would have said to me.
I said, I wasn't sorry and that was the truth, but I would of thought you would have said sorry to me for once.
When I had said that I didn't care that you never try I actually do care because in the end I believe everybody deserves and needs a father in their life.

I just wish I could say that I had a father in my life.
I never thought you'd betrayed your only daughter for drugs or alcohol.
I actually thought you'd stay sober after you were off probation but I must have thought wrong and thought about a lot of things that were wrong.
I thought you'd be there forever and a day.

Father, why do you hate me?

Cheyanne's First Christmas

I'm really excited for Christmas this year because it's my daughters first. I can't wait to watch her play with the wrapping paper and stuff because you know that she'll be more interested in the christmas lights on the tree and the wrapping paper more then her own toys. I had gotten her a nice snow suit for her to wear for when the winter actually starts, a hat, boots, pajamas, etc. One thing that is frustrating me though is that their isn't any snow on the ground! I don't want a brown Christmas I want a beautiful white one.

Let it snow!

Christmas List

My christmas list is going to be very short and very simple. At this point I'm more concerned about getting stuff for Cheyanne and getting the things that I need, I honestly could careless on what I got for Christmas.

• A sifter for baking
• Measuring spoons and cups
• cookie pans
• highchair for Cheyanne
• Blanket!
• $$$$
• Clothes
• Sock
• Nail gift Certificate

130 hours!!!

Last grading period I didn't make my hours, which is abnormal for me because this is my first time sense February not making my hours. I didn't do very much independent work out of school last grading period, and I definitely didn't try either. I'm going to make my 130 hours this grading period by, doing a lot more independent work out of class and taking advantage of doing as much work as possible during the school day, and try staying focused and not easily getting distracted.

Continued...

So now it's the end of the grading period and I'd have to say that, I'm not that confident that I made my hours. I tried doing the best that I could but, I had gotten distracted a lot during the school day and just a lot of stuff has been going on lately so I didn't put school first. We'll see how it goes.